


The Slow Gain of Equilibrium

by Quillpens



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emperor Kylo Ren, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Kylo Ren/Rey, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, How Do I Tag, Nods to Legends, Reylo Feels, Slow Burn, Some Humor, That's Not How The Force Works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-31 15:57:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17852663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillpens/pseuds/Quillpens
Summary: Set a few weeks after Crait. The rebels have settled on a new base and they're slowly beginning to heal, but as Rey devours the Jedi texts she realizes she's not happy with their contents. In an attempt to keep herself sane as the rebels expect her to be a walking, talking, Force using Magic 8 Ball, she's reduced to ask for help from the one person she loathes most in the galaxy.





	1. Creatures

**Author's Note:**

> I know my summary is shit, I apologize. I haven't written in years so bear with me.

The first time the bond reconnected was a mere three weeks after Crait and of course, it was at one of the most inopportune times. The Resistance had found an old rebel base on a planet with a name Rey could barely pronounce, let alone remember and frankly she didn’t care; the less she knew the better. The planet’s atmosphere was humid and sticky even in the night, keeping most of what was left of the rebels indoors, but Rey couldn’t stand the onslaught of fear, anxiety, and soul crushing sadness that randomly ripped through the rebels at various times. Because of this, she’d been awake for hours flipping between meditation -which barely helped, and training, and now she needed the fresher badly. However, she knew what the Force would do to her when she walked through those bay doors; being able to feel everyone’s emotions wasn’t the best nowadays.

So here she was with a splitting headache staring out at the horizon with her dirty clothes and an emergency ration of soap waiting on the edge of the bank, slipping into a deep lake that was conveniently hidden from the cameras around the base. Ignoring the shiver that slid down her spine as the cool water hit her chest, she crossed her legs in a meditation pose, closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let herself sink. The moment she hit the bottom, she reached out as Luke had taught her and let herself simply feel the Force, the life, death and everything in between that made up everyone and everything in the galaxy. She didn’t dwell, it would do her no good with the state she was in; so she recentered herself, surfacing only when her lungs began to burn. Panting quietly and trying to regain the oxygen in her lungs, Rey let out a small laugh as she realized she felt better than she had since she touched hands with... she didn’t want to dwell on that either so she derailed that train of thought and let herself float. An indiscriminate amount of time later had her swimming backwards with her arms until her feet could grip onto the lake wall and grabbed her bar of soap. She had just finished rinsing the soap out of her hair when...  “What in the stars are you doing?!”

Rey flailed backwards, turning so quickly her spine popped in multiple places. Kylo sat staring at her wide eyed, facial expression set in his perpetual scowl. He was covered in sweat, dressed in nothing but a pair of black training pants with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He looked furious and Rey, feeling the onslaught of that fury, fought the urge to scream in his face. She thought the bond was gone, broken with Snoke’s death and her absence from Ben’s life. Thinking on it for a moment, she realized she would have gotten her usual warning of the bond, sound being muted around her, signaling his appearance if her head hadn’t been underwater. Of course the Force would connect them when she’d felt so serene, pain gone if only for a moment. Actively fighting the urge to roll her eyes at the whole thing including him, she took a deep breath, made certain the important bits were covered by the dark water, then turned and regarded him with an unimpressed raised eyebrow. As he opened his mouth to speak, she looked away, going back to treading water and starting out at nothing. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw him look at the sky and take a deep breath. “Could you at least tell me why I couldn’t breathe for over three minutes in the middle of sparring with my Knights?”

Kylo had just defeated two of his best soldiers and hardly broken a sweat. The Force flowed through him like a river, raging but giving him a sense of calm for the first time since the throne room-which he refused to acknowledge at this point in time- a power in his blows that was unmatched. Proving himself to his Knights once more that he was worthy to be called their Master. It all came crashing down when another one of them charged forward. As Kylo swung to the right, arm poised to stop the harsh blow that would soon follow should he not block correctly, his vision swam while as chest grew tighter with each breath. His knees buckled and the last thing he heard before he blacked out was the symphony of sabers being extinguished and masks quickly being removed. Immediately upon waking in the med bay found him searching through the void between them, scouring for her signature in the Force. He hadn’t even had the chance to “knock” on her side of the bond before they were thrown together once again.

It took him only a moment to ascertain what had happened, he wasn’t the Master of his Knights for nothing. She’d been meditating beneath the water before bathing and her lack of air, albeit fine on her end, became his downfall. He was going to have a hell of a time explaining this to his Knights. Though he knew what had happened, he thanked not only the Force, but every known God in the galaxy that he couldn’t see her body through the water while he yelled at her. Fighting down the blush that threatened to overtake his entire being, he was determined to get the full story out of her now that he knew she was alright.

Rey, determined to not look at him any longer than politely necessary, gestured to the water around her with a look on her face that hopefully screamed, “see for yourself idiot” knowing he would be watching her every move in an attempt to read her. He spluttered indignantly, making Rey fight the urge to smile. To cover it, she hummed in a non committal way and moved back so that she could prop her arms up on the bank, thanking every star that there was no real shallow area in this lake so the water still provided the appropriate amount of cover, though her cleavage was now showing a little bit more than she would have liked. Mentally shrugging to herself she was more than happy to ignore the man and continued to watch the sun slowly rise, content with waiting out this Force session in silence. The newly appointed Emperor had other plans.

“Disregarding the fact that you were actively attempting to drown yourself, why are you awake so early? The sun’s obviously barely risen. I understand the need to bathe, but why out in the open like this? Do you even have working freshers wherever your little band of rebels have decided to hide?”

Rey wondered just how much of her side he could see. Should could see he was in the med bay, well what looked like the med bay if the bright lights and sterile white walls were enough to go by. She took a deep breath and, albeit against her better judgment, turned to look in his direction. “I can’t be in there. And you shouldn’t be here. Why is the Force still connecting us, Emperor Ren?”

Ben furrowed his brow, trying not to let the blow she’d just dealt him show on his face. She’d spit out his title as if it were rotten fruit. He then wondered if she’d ever even eaten a piece of fruit before; he doubted it. Giving his head a slight shake and going back to his usual expressionless mask, he spoke in a softer tone that surprised even him, “You still haven’t learned how to put walls up? It would save you, you know.”

Rey pursed her lips and leveled him with a glare. “Save me from you and this Maker damned bond, you mean?”

Kylo heaved a great sigh and rolled his eyes. Of course she’d turn it around like that. No matter, he wouldn't feed into her game.. She’d already almost killed him today, wasn’t that enough?  “From having to deal with other people’s thoughts and emotions. The bond obviously has do with the Force and what it wants, not...not whatever ridiculous lies Snoke fed m...us”, ending the sentence while looking down at his feet, mentally cursing himself for the slip up; This bond with her is a weakness, he knows, and yet...it didn’t matter to him anymore, not really. 

Rey caught his slip up and for just a moment allowed herself to feel sorry for the man before her. Sighing silently to herself, she steeled her emotions. “How long?”

 Kylo looked back up at her, confusion marring his features. “What do you mean?”

“How long was he in your head?” Rey asked, looking anywhere but his face.

Rey couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but she could all but feel as he turned away from her, imagining him looking out of a viewport at the trillions of stars that passed him by. He was silent for so long she wondered if the bond had faded before he could answer, but when curiosity got the better of her and she looked to see if he was still there, she could not only see but feel the wave of sadness and pain rolling off him. “Years. Almost three decades to be exact” he spoke so low that Rey had to strain her hearing to catch it. She wondered if wherever he was his voice was being recorded.  “Ever since I presented with the Force at the age of three, though I didn’t pay much attention to what I just assumed was a weird voice then. I told my mother, she brushed it off, so I did the same. However, I heard mother talking to H...my father once when I was six, when my powers were becoming greater every day, and she told him that she had felt a dark presence whilst I was still in her womb. I didn’t understand it then, and when I finally could, I thought _I_ was the dark presence my mother felt. Snoke encouraged that thought as it helped manipulate me even more, especially on that night.”

Rey was suddenly bombarded with Ben’s memories of Han and Leia speaking about how they were going to control Ben’s power, the sickening voice of Snoke whispering in his ear every night, feeding him lies of how he would be the next Vader, and then the sight of Luke above him, saber lit and poised to strike, followed closely by the sickening smell of burnt flesh as blue lightning struck what could only be Ben’s skin as Master and Apprentice learned that Luke Skywalker lived on.

Rey retched as the memories stopped, attempting to get her shivering under control. She remembered the feeling of that lightning all too well and the _stench_! Gathering herself, Rey chanced a glance up at Ben who was looking at her with a blank stare that had only to have come from a decade of practice. “My apologies. You didn’t need to see that. I will say it’s odd, I’ve never been alone with my thoughts. Now that I am… I’m not quite sure what to do...who to be. I’m top dog of the galaxy, where could I go from here?”

He spoke with such reverence, Rey had to stifle a gasp. His face may not be giving away any emotion, but his voice sure did.

“Ben…” Rey started, but before she could utter another word, the bond ended because of kriffing course it did. She shoved herself back under the water to keep from screaming in frustration. In another part of the galaxy, Kylo growled and punched the wall till his knuckles broke. He didn’t understand what made him open up to her like that. And why should she care? Why did he care so much about her wellbeing? “I suppose it doesn’t matter, does it?” he thought as a droid came over to tend to his broken hand.

An hour later found Rey sitting silently next to Leia as the rest of the Resistance trickled into the room, assembling for a meeting Poe had called; the first since the last battle. Rey thought Leia’s appointing Poe as General was a stupid idea as they all knew how bullheaded and reckless the man could be, but she understood. Poe was zealous and loyal to a fault for the cause Leia had worked so hard to build. He could rally the rebels like no other and for that, she couldn’t fault the ailing woman for wanting someone like she had once been to take her place. Still…

Rey tried not to let her mind wander as Poe began to speak. She could only take so many impassioned speeches that repeated the same stories over and over again about how horrible the First Order is. Catching herself before rolling her eyes at Poe’s mention of the Force and how without it none of them would be where they are today thanks to it and their illustrious Jedi, she let out a bitter laugh under her breath. She wasn’t a Jedi, never would be. She’d stopped pouring over the texts that she’d meticulously translated with the help of 3PO when she realized the blatant flaw in the code that the Jedi lived by.

 

“There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force.”

 

Rey gave an internal scoff at the code she’d been so quick to memorize but now wishes she could forget. Emotions - And there were emotions dammit!- weren’t black and white, dark or light, they were a jumbled confusing mess and that was okay. It was what made them different from droids. To live your whole life pushing down every emotion that wasn’t deemed “light” was frowned upon and therefore a path to the darkside. “How stupid”, She thought,“they became emotionless bastards with sticks up their asses”. She then wondered exactly what the Sith code consisted of since all she’d ever heard about the darkside was what, she assumed, was the first line of the code about passion. “Peace is a lie, there is only passion.” Well if anyone asked her, passion, in every way she’d ever heard it, meant something good not something bad. So where did the flip come up? And seriously, no peace? Are they joking? There could be peace, it just had different meanings in both the physical and spiritual sense. Peace is an emotion in and of itself, “So why….” Sighing softly she resolved herself to stop thinking so hard on it and ask Ben next time when - _when_ not if - the force connected them again just exactly what the entirety of the Sith code was. She knew he’d have it memorized.

“Rey? Is everything alright, dear?” Rey was startled out of her reverie by Leia’s voice and with a quick look around the room, found all eyes on her. “Kriiiiif” she thought while shaking her head and plastering on a smile. “Yes, I’m fine just tired. I’m sorry, did someone ask me something?” she asked with her voice raised an octave to feign a semblance of innocence.

Leia gave her a look and nodded towards Poe. “The general would like to know what the Force has been saying about our chances.”

Suddenly Rey remembered Finn telling her about Han screaming “That’s not how the Force works!”  at him during their supposed rescue mission. She stifled her laugh by clearing her throat, but a quick look over at a smirking Finn confirmed he was thinking the same thing.

With that in mind, Rey decided to speak the truth. “The Force only shows us what it wants to show us, when it wants to show it. So I say until it does show us...me..something we should lie low, conserve our resources and recruit when we feel it’s safe enough to do so. For now, it’s just too soon to tell”.

Everyone but Rose, Finn and Leia gave her a nonplussed look and she could feel that they were frustrated with her answer. A sudden hot spark of fury went through her. She was doing the best she could and she was hurting just as they were. She wasn’t some magical being that could see into the future whenever they wanted her to. _“Parlor Tricks_ ” The memory of Luke’s voice echoing through her mind, she bit back another sigh. “Is sighing an emotion? If not, it needs to be!” Rey thought as Leia spoke up.

“It may be too soon to tell, but she will continue to meditate on the question won’t you, Rey?” Leia gave the young girl a pointed look that meant no nonsense.

Rey side eyed Leia and nodded stiffly, wanting nothing more than to get up and walk out without a word to any of them. She was no one’s puppet. Leia caught the emotion as it crossed Rey’s face then looked out to the crowd and smiled, “That’s it then.”

Rey looked out at the crowd and found Poe staring hard like he was looking for something on her face, as if she was lying. She defiantly stared right back until he seemed to come back to the present and cleared his throat, addressing the room. “Alright. Well for now let’s see if we can get some of those old ships running today and someone try to contact Chewie and see if he’s been able to find us any allies. I know our tech isn’t the greatest, but we have to try everything we can.”

As the rebels got up and filed out to their designated stations, Rey felt a hand on her arm. “I saw that look. What’s wrong, Rey? Talk to me.”

Rey looked over to Leia and stared into her eyes for a moment, her son’s being a carbon copy which made her dread the coming conversation all the more, before waving to Finn and Rose who were waiting at the door to go on without her. When the doors shut, Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. On the exhale, Rey broke the dam that had been cracking since the moment she’d stepped into Snoke’s escape pod. “I’m exhausted Leia. I can feel every single strong emotion every single person on this base is feeling at any given time; a constant barrage of sadness, fear, pain, fatigue… I’ve slept maybe three hours a night since we landed on this planet and no matter how hard I train, how long I meditate, it doesn’t matter. I have a never ending headache and stars forbid I don’t have an answer when someone asks me something about the Force. Poe isn’t the only one. Everyone in here, excluding you, Rose and Finn looked and felt frustrated with me just now. I don’t know anything about this! I’m doing this by myself! I had less than a week of training with Luke! I have no idea what I’m doing and this power scares me! I’m absolutely terrified! Every day I get stronger, the Force gets stronger in me! And the only one I can talk to about any of this and get ANY help at all, the one person who is my equal in the Force and could teach me ANYTHING about who am I and what my place is in ALL of this is Ben and...and....” she stopped dead. Halfway to yelling at this point, tears slowly falling down her cheeks, she realized what she’d said and to whom. Spinning on her heel to apologize to Leia, she gasped under her breath. A sad smile had broken the older woman’s serious expression and tears came unbidden into her eyes as she regarded the young woman in front of her. “You called him Ben.” 

Kylo dismissed his Knights and highest ranking officers from his office, rubbing at his temples the moment they were out of sight. He’d had to feign an ill timed Force vision had caused his slip earlier in the day and of course they’d wanted details. He’d told them he couldn’t remember as it had felt like he was drowning, seeing nothing but Master Snoke’s smiling face; they didn’t press for more, Kylo felt their collective shiver as it shot up their spines. He had to stop himself from doing the same as the lie brought the offending image to the forefront of his mind. The only one that didn’t seem appeased by his explanation was Hux because of course he didn’t. The insufferable man had immediately thought Snoke was trying to reach them through the use of Kylo’s mind and called for the Emperor to meditate to try and open up a channel to their late Supreme Leader. Kylo contemplated beheading the idiotic ginger on the spot, but instead choked the man with a flick of his wrist till he turned blue and collapsed. He expected some type of fear or anger to emanate from his officers, but was pleased to find nothing but amusement at Hus’s expense. As two  troopers dragged the unconscious man out to hall instead of carrying him between them, Kylo was sure that once he had found the appropriate replacement, that sick little bastard was being thrown out of the nearest garbage chute. He was certain there would be cheering.

Smiling a little to himself at the thought, Kylo turned off his holopad and made for his quarters. It may only be late afternoon, but he’d had a trying day, no one would dare chide him for taking the rest of the day off. Once he’d scrubbed the smell of the med bay from his skin and changed into his most worn and comfortable clothes, he’d settled in his favorite chair, determined to get some reading done. He pulled the book he’d started the night before off the side table and donned his glasses, feeling content in his choice. However, ten minutes later found him not paying attention to one word. He was certain he’d read the last sentence in that paragraph a handful times and it wasn’t sticking. Sighing, he removed his glasses and set botht them and the book in his lap, leaning his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Maybe I _should_ meditate, it’s been weeks. And not because that greasy rat Hux wants me to.” he thought, unconsciously flexing his fingers so that little bits of pain shot up his arm. Scowling down at his heavily bruised knuckles he stopped moving his hand, placed items in his lap back on the table, and resigned himself to his fate. Standing up and stretching, he reveled in the feeling before settling down on the floor, leaning against the chair for support. He took a deep breath, let it out slow and reached for his oldest friend.

Rey had just shut off the lights and lay down, praying to anyone that would listen to take her headache away so she could get some proper rest when all sound around her stopped. “Twice in one day? That’s new” she spoke aloud, picking her head up off her pillow and glancing around for him. As soon as she spotted him she’d never been more thankful to have her own room. In her part of the bond, illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through her window, he sat leaning up against the side of her bed in a meditative pose, more relaxed than she’d ever seen him. Since he’d made no move to indicate he’d heard her, she surmised he was deep in the Force. Before she could think of what she was doing she was moving as quietly as she could, quickly making her way off the bed to sit in front of him. “Well.. it couldn’t hurt, could it?” she thought to herself, assuming the position and joining him in meditation.

Kylo tamped down a jolt of surprise as he felt her Force signature intertwine seamlessly with his. He hadn’t been praying to anyone or asking for guidance as he often did when he meditated. Instead, he’d been floating, letting the Force take him away from everything, just for a little while so that he didn’t have to think anymore. Rey had evidently recognized it for what it was and did the same, effectively bringing him a sense of serenity he hadn’t felt since the first time his uncle taught him to feel the Force. He felt her acknowledge him just for a moment, then they simply...were. When they finally came back to themselves, they opened their eyes at the same moment, Rey smiling while Kylo simply gave a slight to tilt his head. “Why did you do that?” he asked shyly.

“I...I don’t know. The bond connected us while you were meditating and I wondered if…” she trailed off as she realized this was the first time in days she wasn’t in any pain. Her wounds from Snoke’s guards, her sore muscles, her headache...every bit of agony was gone. Kylo saw as Rey’s eyes went wide while she started pushing at random places on her arms, her legs, placing her right palm on her forehead as if checking for a fever, then she giggled like a youngling making Kylo well and truly confused. “What are you doing?” he asked incredulously.   

Rey, still smiling, turned to him like she was shocked he was still there. Like she’d forgotten his presence in the span of a few moments. “Sorry! Sorry! It’s nothing, my headache is just gone. It’s gone! I’m not in pain… anywhere! Is that you?! Did you take my pain away?”

Kylo was momentarily struck dumb by how happy she sounded. If it was him that took her pain away, would she really be that thrilled with him? Her giddiness of the situation made him take stock of his own body. He was used to feeling the slightly painful pull of the scars on his back, sore muscles from overtraining on too little rest, the ever present ache in his side from Chewie’s crossbow, the scar Rey herself had given him. He flexed his fingers again only to look down and see the bruising healed, like it never happened. It was now his turn to get a wide eyed look. “That wasn’t me.”

In less than a second, Rey’s facial expression went from thankful to astonished. “You’re telling me the Force healed us?!” she quietly yelled.

Kylo reached behind his back and ran his now uninjured hand beneath his shirt to feel his scars. They were still there, raised welts he’d never be rid of, but they no longer hurt. “Not completely, we’ve still got scars, but it seems that the pain they caused is gone for now. I’m not sure why, but I’m certainly not going to complain.”

Rey let out a happy sounding sigh and nodded. “Neither am I” then with a soft giggle she added. “We should do that every time we train. I’d never have to listen to Poe’s dirty jokes while I limped around the base ever again.”

Kylo scoffed and shook his head, muttering under his breath, “What a nerfherder.”

Rey smirked at her darkside dwelling counterpart. “I heard that! Though I agree, he can be a bit...hard to get along with” she said with a hint of contempt in her voice as she thought of how he’d put her on the spot at the meeting earlier. Speaking of that, “Ben?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows at her in acknowledgement. “One moment I’m the horrible monster Emperor Ren and the next I’m back to being Ben to you. For Maker’s sake, pick one woman!” he grimaced slightly and prayed he hadn’t broadcast that particular thought to Rey’s side, but since she gave no indication that she’d heard, he figured he was in the clear. “What’s the Sith code?” Rey asked, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.  

Kylo’s brain froze. Unblinking and barely breathing, he stammered out “W..why...why do you want to know?”

Rey made a sound he couldn’t quite place so he stared at her while she nervously began twiddling her fingers and he noted that she wouldn’t look him in the eye. “I’m having a problem and I think I need to know both codes so that I can...figure it out?”

Kylo held back a snort. “What kind of problem would you be having that you believe the Sith code holds the answers you seek?”

 Rey sighed and looked out her window at the moon. He was going to find out eventually, whether she wanted him to or not. “I don’t agree with the Jedi code and I thought... maybe if I knew the Sith code, I’d understand why the Jedi code bothers me so much.”

The Emperor, for all he knew about this girl, felt somewhat scandalized. What did she mean she didn’t agree with the Jedi code? She’s the poster child for the Jedi code! She’s a Jedi! What?! Kylo unwillingly stammered again as he got his thoughts back together. With a deep breath, he recentered himself and stared at her until she met his gaze once more. “Before I tell you, you have to promise me you won’t go looking too far into it without my assistance.” Without my assistance?! What am I a schoolboy again?!  The KRIFF IS HAPPENING TO ME?! Kylo internally screamed at himself.

Rey seemed to sense his unease about the situation and nodded, thinking of that horrible lake on Ahch-To. She refused to repeat that mistake. “I promise, Ben.”

The sincerity in her voice is what made up Kylo’s mind and he looked around for a moment. “I’m not sure how much longer the bond will last. Do you have anything to write it down on?”

Rey nodded and stood up, quickly going to her desk and grabbing a scrap piece of paper and a pencil she’d set next to her holopad. Turning around, she had to fight a small smile. Looking at him from this angle, it would be the only time she was taller than him. “Ready” she whispered. With a nod, he began.

 

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me.”

 

Kylo had closed his eyes and recited the code with a resonance that sent a shiver careening down Rey’s spine as she wrote furiously. When he finished, he opened his eyes and she swore he was peering into her very soul. Praying that he hadn’t felt whatever emotion was attached to that shiver, she gave him a stiff nod and stared right back. “Thank you, Ben.”

He said nothing in response, but his sudden borderline devilish grin was all she needed to know that he’d indeed felt her reaction. Before she could explain herself, the bond fizzled out. Now flushed with embarrassment,  she put the paper and pencil down on her desk and flopped onto her bed. “What just happened?!” she groaned into her pillows.

Kylo, still smiling as his surroundings came back into view, let out a laugh. “You’re welcome.”  


	2. Hear Me Now

The next morning came too soon for Rey’s liking. It was barely dawn and she was so angry about being awake she could’ve punched her pillow. “My head finally stops hurting long enough for me to get some sleep and what does my body do? Get me up TOO KRIFFING EARLY! Damn human needs!” Throwing her blankets off of her and standing up, she’d barely made it three steps to her fresher before an all too familiar ache started in her lower stomach. Letting out a small squeak she ran to the fresher only to find her nightdress, underwear and thighs already coated in red sticky blood. Glaring at the soiled clothes, she cleaned up as best she could and got into the shower, shoving her clothes in with her so that she could scrub them as well while she was in there.

Thirty minutes later and she was back in bed donned in a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top she’d borrowed from Rose, her sheets and nightclothes hanging up to air dry in the fresher. Thankfully, due to the hot climate outside the base, she didn’t need those blankets at the moment and instead found solace in the cool temperature of the old mattress to soothe her overheated body. Just as she was drifting back to sleep a soft knock sounded at her door. “Rey? Are you awake?”

Instead of getting up, Rey unlocked the door with the Force and let it swing open by itself. “Old buildings have their advantages” she thought as she watched Rose poke her head in. “Oh, thank goodness, I’m not alone in this nonsense. I brought caf and protein bars and I have a few pain reducing tablets if you’d like one.”

Rey let out a small sound as the movement to sit up shot a spark of pain through her stomach. “Not alone?” Rey mumbled out while Rose, perfectly balancing the food in her arms, gently kicked the door shut and locked it behind her, moving expertly to set her things on the desk.

“You can’t hide that look from me, I know what’s wrong. I’m on my moon time as well. I was coming to ask if you wouldn’t mind me hiding out in here for the day while you trained like you normally do, but it doesn’t look like you’re going anywhere either. Want some company?”

Rey nodded and scoot over on the bed, noticing Rose’s choice in attire was almost identical to hers, save for a light black jacket. However… “Sure. Does Leia..k….know we’re not going to be in the shipyard today?” she asked through a sudden yawn. “And what’s with your jacket? The base is getting warmer by the minute.”

Rose smiled and handed Rey her cup of caf. “I’m sure Leia will understand when you don’t show up. She took one look at me and told me to get some food and go back to bed. Connix and Ramir are the same way today so I think we all accidentally synched. My jacket is because I didn’t feel like wrapping my chest just to go get food from the Mess Hall when only a few of the boys are awake. Now that I’m in here, I can take it off.”

That was an idea Rey had never thought of! Now she certainly wasn’t going to binding her chest anymore if she didn’t have to! Regular meals and nutritional mixtures that had been all but shoved down her throat from the medical team had not only regulated her moon time, but also made her grow an inch so far along with adding a bit of weight in places she’d never thought of gaining weight before; her chest being the most noticeable and sore of those on the list. Training was one thing, but she despised binding just to go to a meeting. Filing that information away for later, Rey let out a soft snort and smiled. “Of course, we synched. We were stuck on the Falcon together, literally on top of each other at times for almost two whole weeks and were together for a bit before that.”

Rose rolled her eyes good naturedly and threw her jacket over the back of Rey’s desk chair before getting comfortable on the bed with her caf. “The joys of being a woman, I’m tellin ya.”

Rey clinked her cup with Rose’s in a silent agreement making Rose laugh.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Rey felt a sort of sadness creeping up on her, but she knew it wasn’t her own. “Rose? You okay?”

Rose half-smiled, but quickly let it drop. “Just tired, I think. No… I know I’m tired. Tired of running, tired of fighting, tired of being paranoid and keeping an eye out over my shoulder, tired of the nightmares! I’m tired, Rey.”

Rey could more than relate. “I understand completely. It’s exhausting.”

Rose hummed in agreement. “I wonder what would happen if we just stayed here. We haven’t seen any sign of the First Order since we landed and next week marks a month. Granted we haven’t been able to leave the planet, but… I don’t know, why would they just suddenly stop looking for us?”

Rey made an inquisitive sound to let Rose know she was listening though she made a mental note to ask Ben later. “I don’t know. Maybe there isn’t enough of us to worry about anymore? They’ve got to know we’re barely limping by. Maybe we’re just not worth the trouble anymore”, ripping open a particularly dry protein bar, it crumbled a bit as if to prove her point.

Rose gave Rey another half-smile and nodded. “Maybe, but does that mean we give up? Stop looking for people that want to rebel? Let the First Order win? Then what happens to us? We’ve been in this fight so long, to give up now is just unthinkable. And where would we even go? Most of us don’t even have family left, no home planet to return to, no friends outside the Resistance… what would we do?”

Rey finished off her bar and did her best to push down Rose’s wave of anxiety before it affected her as well. “I don’t know, Rose.”

Rose gave her a look like she wanted detail. “What do you think of the whole thing? Should we give up?”

 Rey shrugged, but Rose gently shoved her arm. “Talk to me, Rey.”

Rey sighed and set her caf on her bedside table, giving her time to gather her thoughts. “To be honest, Rose. I haven’t even been in the Resistance for a year, whereas this is all someone like Poe has ever known and he’s not the only one here who’s been fighting since he was a kid. It would be much, much harder to convince them that peace means no more fighting. But someone like me, who’s done nothing but survive? I could completely restart somewhere with absolutely nothing because I’ve done it before. I’m one of the most widely known individuals in the galaxy and I could rearrange someone’s thoughts for however long I wanted, turning myself into a complete stranger to anyone that crossed my path making it ridiculously easy for me to disappear.”

At this she glanced at Rose, the mixture of hurt and worry on the girl’s face was so clear, Rey hurried up to ease her distress. “But you and Finn are the first real friends I’ve ever had and I will not leave you high and dry like that. Whatever happens, you’re stuck with me.”

 Rey smiled and gently knocked shoulders with Rose who giggled then said, “Good. I don’t think Finn would let you go anyway. He’d tail you wherever you went.” The subject dropped into meaningless chatter after that and, after a bit of gossip about Poe and Connix possibly dating, the girls took Leia’s advice and went back to sleep.

On the other side of the galaxy Kylo was this close... _this close_ to throwing Hux out with garbage, viable replacement or not. The little bastard had restarted the Stormtrooper training program behind his back. With Phasma still in the med bay recovering from her injuries sustained during her fight with the Traitor, Hux thought he’d be able to slyly take over her operations without consequence. He obviously didn’t account for the fact that Kylo’s knights would inform him of Hux’s wrongdoings; almost like he wanted to be caught. Like he enjoyed being in pain and humiliated in front of his colleagues.

Remembering how Hux would act during a raid, standing on the bridge and staring out of the viewports practically salivating at all of the death and destruction his projects wrought, Kylo was certain that he enjoyed his punishments. Ignoring his involuntary shiver of disgust at the thought, he made up his mind. “I’m throwing him out as soon as possible. He had better make a decent effort to overthrow me because his next slip up will be his last.”

Kylo had just signed a document for all of the stormtroopers under the age of ten to be removed from training and returned to their home planets with information on their birth parents (should they still be in existence) when the sound went out in the room. He groaned under his breath and sighed, “Not now, I’ve got a meeting in ten minutes!” he growled out. Yet the sight that greeted him was enough to quell the irritation and bring a small smile to his face.

Rey was curled up in her bed, using her arms as a pillow, snuggled up tight next to one of her female friends. He could smell the soap she’d used in the fresher mixed with the caf on the side table and feel the warmth from the sunlight invading the room. Taking a deep breath, he suddenly felt as if he too could fall asleep and take an afternoon nap. Just as he released the breath he’d been holding in to not lose the moment, the bond broke and he was back in his office. Checking the time and finding he had just enough to get to his meeting, he smiled again and sent a silent prayer of thanks to the Force for allowing him to check on her and calm his nerves simultaneously. Feeling refreshed, he double checked to made sure he had everything in order and strode out of the room, head held high.

Waking up slowly, Rey groaned at the heavy feeling in her head and stomach. While she was glad that her cycle was regular for once in her life, she hated how it made her feel like she was sick. Slowly detangling herself from her softly snoring friend, she went to the fresher to wash her face then decided to go down to the Mess Hall and at least say hi to Finn. Judging by the sun’s position it was nearing lunch time anyway. Writing out a note for Rose and setting it on the bedside table, she grabbed Rose’s jacket, finger brushed her hair and, after shoving her feet into her boots that she didn’t bother to lace, made her way down the corridor. She wasn’t halfway there before BB-8 rolled up to her and began chattering away. “I’m fine, BB. I’m not sick. Well...not really anyway. Have you seen Finn?”

            The small droid beeped in the affirmative and quickly rolled off just in the direction she’d already been heading. Shaking her head, she followed him until she spotted Finn on the far side of the hall, picking forlornly at the food on his tray. She thanked BB then walked slowly up behind Finn, pointedly ignoring the stares she was getting that she was almost certain was related to her current attire and put her hand over his eyes. “Guess who?!” she spoke right in Finn’s ear. Almost immediately Rey felt the change in his mood.

“What the...Rey!” Finn cried out happily, pulling her hand from his face. He turned to look at her, beaming. “Leia said you weren’t feeling good when I asked her if she’d seen you, so I left you alone, are you okay?”

Rey giggled and sat beside Finn, bumping shoulders with him. “I’ll be fine. What was that sad face for before I got over here?”

Finn’s smile dropped a little at that. “I went to see if Rose was okay since she didn’t show up to the shipyard this morning either, but no matter how much I knocked, she ignored me. I think I upset her.”

Rey fought the urge to laugh at Finn’s now distraught facial expression. The poor boy was gone on Rose and he didn’t even know it yet. He’d told her about his and Rose’s “I thought I was going to die” kiss while Rose was still recovering from her battle wounds and while Rey was thrilled for them, she was terrified of being third wheeled or worse, losing her best friend. Finn, ever the observer, had picked up on Rey’s fear as she had started to pull back from him once Rose had woken up and he quickly confronted her on it. He’d more than assured her that she had nothing to worry about and that she and Rose very alike. It took a little convincing and a few awkward talks between the girls for them to get comfortable with one another, but not long after that they’d struck up a friendship that now equaled what she had with Finn. Rey couldn’t be happier to have both of them in her life.

“Don’t you worry there, Bigshot. Rose has been in my room with me since very early this morning. She’s in the same predicament I am. She’s asleep right now, but I left her a note telling her where I’d be if she wakes up before I get back. We’ll be back beneath those old clunkers tomorrow. Today… we just needed to.... take a day.” She took a quick look around the room and she was indeed the only woman in there. She grimaced and shook her head-the first day was always miserable, always. She didn’t blame the girls for staying in their beds. Honestly, she was surprised that Leia let them all do that. Mentally shrugging to herself, she turned back to Finn and asked him how his day was so far without the girls.

Finn seemed surprised by her question and looked around. “Wait…there _aren’t_ any girls in here but you! Where did they all go?!”

   Rey had to fight a laugh. “In their beds probably. Leia gave us the day off.” she answered through a small laugh. Finn’s eyes bugged. “The day off? The whole day? All of you? Why?”

Rey snorted. “Because the galaxy thought it would be funny to have our moon time cycles synch so we’re all in pain and tired and grouchy and hungry and a million other things that we don’t want to deal with so Leia let us all go for the day. Although I’m sure a few of the nurses are still in the med b- what? Why do you look so confused?” she asked as she picked up Finn’s cup of water and taking a few sips.

 Finn’s eyebrows were furrowed. “What does “synched” mean? Are you all sick at the same time?”

            Rey almost spit out the water in her mouth. “Oh boy…” she thought to herself and swallowing hard. “Yeah Finn, something like that. It’s our...uh...our moon time.”

Finn added a head tilt to his confused expression. “Your what?”

Rey could’ve laughed. “Our moon time. Our bleeding. You’re telling me they don’t teach reproductive health in trooper training?” she teased.

Finn blushed slightly and shook his head. “Oh. I mean they do, but it’s split up and we only go over it once. We had to all have been about twelve or so. The girls have their side, we have ours and they’re in another room, cut off so we can’t hear. We don’t really learn about each other except that women bleed, how to have sex, how children are made from sex, and that our implants give us the freedom to have sex without making a baby. That’s literally it. We take a test to make sure we understand the material, get our lifetime birth control implants and off we go. Takes less than a day. I didn’t know women’s bleeding times could be at the same time. That’s weird.”

Rey shook her head in the affirmative and made another mental note to Ben. She understood giving vague details to children, but once they’re older the boys really should learn about moon time more in depth. But really, she had no room to talk. The first time she’d gotten her cycle she was very young, around nine if her calculations were correct. She’d been standing in line at Plutt’s,  praying to whomever was listening that she’d get something, anything at all to eat and drink from the crolute; her whole back and tummy hurt really badly and she hadn’t eaten in three days. She was third in line when she felt an odd sensation making its way down her legs. She’d dealt with all sorts of little creatures that lived in the vast ocean of sand, but she’d never felt them crawl _down_ her legs before. Looking at her pants and seeing the blood, she just remembered staring at it for a moment in awe before she realized it was coming from her nether regions... then all hell broke loose.

She remembered her vision going blurry from tearing up and cried out for someone to help her. One of Plutt’s cronies that regularly patrolled the area around the crolute’s stall threw one very disgusted look at Rey, grabbed her arm and pulled her over to a tent that had an elderly woman sitting at a makeshift desk. He pitched Rey to the ground at the woman’s feet, dislocating Rey’s shoulder in the process, and told the woman to “clean the brat up”. Between the pain from her shoulder and the pain from being thrown to the ground so hard, she cried till she threw up bile. Things were fuzzy after that, she assumes she blacked out, but when she woke up, she was clean, her shoulder didn’t hurt anymore, and while the old lady fed her, she told her EVERYTHING. About moon time, implants, puberty and pregnancy. About what to expect before, during and after, about boys and men and how they would see her now, how to fight an infection if she got one and what herbs to buy should the unthinkable happen. It was the first time Rey ever felt like she’d had a mother, but due to the information overload she’d had to memorize, she never thought ask the woman’s name, nor thank her, and she died a few days later. It was one of Rey’s greatest regrets.

Rey came back to herself to see Finn staring at her with concern. “Rey? You okay? I thought I lost you there for a minute.”

Rey sighed under her breath and shook her head. “No, no I’m sorry. Just...a sore subject. Literally. Growing up alone in Jakku and dealing with all of that was...” she trailed off and shook her head. No need to bring up the past, there was only misery there. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here now. And I’m glad at least you know a little bit about this time of the month for us.”

Finn smiled and hugged her tight. “Yes, you are, Peanut and yeah me too; learn somethin’ new every day! And hey… seriously...if you ever wanna talk about stuff like that, I’m here for you. I know you don’t like to because it’s painful but talking does help. I’ve gotta get back to work on those ships, but I’ll come see you and Rose after dinner, okay? Go get some sleep.”

Rey hugged him back and smiled, promising that she would and that she and Rose would see him later. Just as she got up from the table Poe was standing in front of her, arm around 

Kaydel who wearing a sheer, baggy t shirt, shorts shorter than Rey’s and a pair of sandals. Her hair looked like she’d just rolled out of bed and there were black circles beneath her eyes. It looked like Rose’s gossip about Kaydel and Poe earlier was truth! Rey couldn’t wait to tell her! “Hey Rey, I’m glad you’re here, I didn’t want to bother you in your room. Leia wants to see you. She’s in her quarters.” Poe said while smiling as he looked Rey up and down.

Rey nodded and smirked at Poe, knowing he knew nothing of Kaydel’s mood. “Okay. I’ll be right there. You feelin’ okay, Kaydel?”

Kaydel gave Rey a fake smile and a thumbs up with both hands. “Absolutely peachy, Rey!”

Rey fought a laugh and rolled her eyes, walking off toward Leia’s quarters as Poe narrowed his eyes at his girlfriend for her attitude.

She had only just raised her fist to knock when she heard Leia call through the door. “Come on in, Rey!”

            Rey smiled and walked through the door to see Leia sitting at her table, pouring something into a mug. “Lock the door behind you please dear, and before you ask, I saw the shadow of your feet beneath the door. Would you like some ginger tea?”

Taking the seat opposite of Leia, she tilted her head slightly at the question. The tea sure smelled delicious, she was sure it tasted the same. “I’ve never had it. Is it good?”

            Leia simply smiled and crossed the room to her kitchenette to grab a mug off another mug off of the drying rack by the sink. “I certainly enjoy it, but you’ll have to try it and let me know what you think.”

Rey nodded and waited in comfortable silence for Leia to finish and sit down. Once she did, Rey blew on the hot liquid and took a small sip and was pleasantly surprised by the biting, yet comforting flavor of the tea; even that small sip relaxed her. The older woman must have seen the look on Rey’s face because she laughed softly. “I feel the same way when I drink it. I’m glad you like it. Are you okay? You seem far better off than Kaydel and Rose were this morning.”

Rey nodded and took another quick sip before setting her mug down gently. “I woke up in a bit of pain, but I’m alright now that I’ve gotten some food and slept. Thank you for your concern...Did you need me for something?”

At this, Leia’s face turned serious. “Yes, actually. I... I’m not sure how to bring this up so I’m going to get right to it, I saw your vision earlier. Or memory I should say. About your first….” she stopped and looked at Rey. The poor girl looked absolutely mortified, her face ashen. “Oh Rey, it’s alright dear. I know you had a hard upbringing. I’m not sure how I was able to see it myself as I’m not strong in the Force but just know that I am so very sorry that you had to go through such a terrible ordeal.”

   To say the least, Rey was stricken. Are her thoughts ever going to be her own again? Why would the Force show Leia Rey’s memories? Between the bond with Ben and now this with Leia, she was starting to feel like every bit of her privacy was being invaded; she tried not to be angry about it. After a deep cleansing breath, she decided to look on the bright side and found herself somewhat glad she wouldn’t have to explain it again. That was only thought keeping her from going off. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Rey whispered after a few moments of silence.

 At that Leia smiled. “You don’t have to say anything at all. I just wanted you to know that I saw it and I thought you might want to talk about it and even if you don’t, well that’s okay too.”

Rey smiled and shook her head. “Thank you, Leia, but I think what you saw is enough. I know my past shaped me into who I am today, and yes it was excruciating at times, but I’m not in Jakku anymore.”

Leia chuckled then sipped at her tea. “You make a very good point, I won’t press. Now if you’ll do me a favor and go sit in front of that mirror” she said pointing through the open door leading into her bedroom, “Feel free to take your tea with you”.

Rey was taken aback for a moment at such a sudden and odd request, but picked up her tea, drank just enough to lower the liquid so that it wouldn’t spill while she moved, then walked into Leia’s room and sat at the vanity. She looked at herself and let out a bark of a laugh, she really did look like a desert rat. Her hair was frizzy, her tan lines were all over the place from training in the sunshine so often in various outfits and her nose and forehead were still peeling slightly from the sunburn she’d accidentally gotten the week before. Snorting under her breath, she watched Leia through the mirror as the older woman grabbed a brush, a few hair ties, and a medium sized black box.  Rey tilted her head in confusion to which Leia just smirked. “You’ll see” she said while she began to part and brush out sections of Rey’s hair. While she worked, she began humming a song Rey didn’t recognize, but calmed her on a level she’d never felt outside of meditation.

Sometime later, Rey felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. “What do you think?” Rey, only now realizing she’d closed her eyes, looked into the mirror and her jaw dropped.

“Good Maker….” she asked incredulously. “How did you do that?” Her hair was in braids and pinned up beautifully. She still had a few small flyaway hairs, but instead of looking messy, they gave her hair texture.

“Lots of practice.” Leia laughed as she moved to open the box off to the side of the vanity. “Close your eyes again.”

Rey did as she was told and soon felt something being placed on her head, then felt something cold and pleasantly heavy around her neck. “Alright. Go ahead.”

Rey swallowed the sudden feeling nervousness, opened her eyes again and gasped. The tiara was absolutely beautiful, silver and adorned in red jewels of various sizes. The necklace was much simpler, a silver chain with a simple red teardrop ruby pendant that sat perfectly above her cleavage line. Rey was shocked.

Leia was positively beaming. “Oh, I knew it would suit you perfectly! Now if I could get you into a dress, that would really be something.”

Rey couldn’t believe her eyes. She didn’t look like herself at all. In a voice that didn’t sound like her own, she turned her head slightly to address Leia who hadn’t moved from behind her. “I wouldn’t mind, honestly.”

Now it was Leia’s turn to look shocked. Without another word, she spun on her heel and walked to her closet, pulling out the dress like she’d gotten it out and ready just for this occasion. For all Rey knew, that’s exactly what she’d done. Rey stared at herself while Leia got the dress off of the hanger, if she were wearing makeup, she wouldn’t think that was her reflection at all. “Alright, not to alarm you but this dress was meant to be worn without chest bindings, so you’ll have to remove them.”

Rey looked down at her chest and blushed. She’d completely forgotten about the jacket she was wearing. “I’m uh...not wearing any. I was too sore earlier to bother.”

Leia gave her a knowing smile. “I’ve been there more times than I can count. The jacket was a good idea.” Rey internally laughed, she’d have to tell Rose later. Getting up from the chair, Rey took in the sight of the dress. It was unlike any fabric she’d ever seen. The top was black and as it neared the bottom, faded into a shade of red a tad darker than the jewelry she wore with one small bit of fabric over one shoulder that was covered in diamonds. Leia waved her over and Rey could feel her mix of giddiness and excitement about getting her to try on this dress; it was contagious. Rey let out a giggle as she walked over to where Leia was waiting and began to strip down. “Put your back to the mirror and when I’m done, we’ll spin you around.”

Rey did so without complaint and when Leia gave her permission to turn around, Rey could have cried. “Stars… is that me?” Rey asked Leia without taking her eyes off of herself. “Is this what he sees when he looks at me? When he thinks of our future? Is this what he saw?” she wondered to herself, the soft, silky fabric flowing around her as she couldn’t resist a small twirl to look at herself from every angle.

Leia nodded. “Of course, it’s you, Rey! The dress is a little too big in the bodice, but that’s an easy enough fix. You look just like a -” “Princess”, “Empress” Leia had aloud, while Rey had spoken under her breath, but they heard each other all the same. Leia’s tilted her head and gave Rey _that_ look again before letting out a small sigh.

They stood in silence for a few moments, Rey still in awe with herself before Leia spoke up. “I know I didn’t pry yesterday, but… you don’t speak up at meetings that call for his death, you call him by his given name which I’m still not sure how you found out about that, you say you need his help to find your place in the galaxy, you had the face of someone that had her heart ripped out when you shut the door that day on the Falcon, and now you see yourself dressed up and call yourself Empress…So tell me please... what exactly happened on Snoke’s ship?”

No sooner were the words out of Leia’s mouth, that the sound left the room and Rey heard a two very distinct gasps fill the room. “Rey” “Ben!”

Rey let out a groan. “Bad timing, bad bad timing, horribly bad timing” Rey chanted in a whisper to herself.

Looking into the mirror, Rey saw Leia staring at her son like he’d suddenly become a Twi’lek and Kylo was staring at Rey, jaw dropped, with a light blush high on his cheeks. The bond must have caught him right at the end of a meeting as he was in his normal attire, sans his cloak. Rey turned and spoke, hoping she wasn’t blushing nearly as much as he was. “Ben, your mother is here with me. Can you see her?”

That seemed to call the man out of his trance and he shook his head. “No. All I can see is you. Where on earth did you get that dress? You look absolutely beautiful.” he ended the sentence breathily.

  Her face went scarlet. With her heart racing, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Stars above” she thought to herself as she tore her eyes away from the emperor and addressed Leia. “He can’t see you so I doubt he can hear you either. But you can see him, right?”

Leia, not taking her eyes off her son, nodded, obviously in a state of shock. “I can hear him, too. What is this?”

Rey took another calming breath, her anxiety threatening to bring her to tears. “Ben… she can see and hear you. She deserves to know what happened... May I tell her?”

            She watched as he clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes. She gave him the moment he needed and didn’t push. She understood why he was upset about it. The bond was special, it was private, it was theirs. A gift from the Force itself.

            He opened his eyes and gave her a slow onceover, when he got back to her eyes, he nodded. “She can hear me?” he asked. Rey nodded in the affirmative. “Then we’ll tell her together. If the bond ends before we’re done, I trust you to tell her the rest.” Rey read into his meaning, tell her only the most important details. Everything else was for them only.

  It took over an hour to explain, the longest the bond had ever stayed open. It was like the Force knew what was happening and was giving them a chance to explain themselves. Both Leia and Ben were shocked when Rey admitted to literally fighting with Luke after Ben told the story of Luke’s betrayal. Rey tried not to blush again at how proud Kylo looked. The only time they had to stop for a bit was when it came time to explain the moments after Snoke’s death.

“I went to leave and called my saber to me, Ben caught it and... well... that’s how it broke. He wanted the saber for himself, as it was originally his grandfather’s and then Luke’s, but it calls to me. I couldn’t just let him take it.”

Leia floundered for a moment for what to say while Ben scoffed and crossed his arms. “I didn’t want the stupid saber, Rey.”

Rey furrowed her brows at him and scoffed back, “What are you talking about?! That’s what you said! That it was rightfully yours!”

“It IS rightfully mine, but that’s not why I caught it before you could get it!” he all but screamed back, suddenly finding his boots to be extremely interesting and refusing to look her in the eye. A clearing of a throat reminded the two that they weren’t alone. Leia directed a pointed glance at Rey, telling her what Ben wouldn’t. He hadn’t been trying to take the saber, he’d been trying to get her to stay.

Rey made a sound in the back of her throat and the tears returned. She quickly blinked them away and took a deep breath. “The rest of the story is self-explanatory. Chewie picked me up and I found all of you and got you out of that base. Now he’s Emperor and I’m… here.”

Leia hummed and raised her eyebrows, looking back and forth between them. “And I’m to assume this Force bond is the reason we haven’t been obliterated?”

At this Kylo shook his head. “I have no idea where you are, and I won’t ask because I don’t care. Hux obviously does, but he’ll be gone this time next week and since he can do nothing with his army without clearing it with me, well….” he shrugged then looked back at Rey, unable to fight the smile that split over his face. “You really do look like an Empress.”

The bond ended at that and Rey looked at Leia whose face was giving off a multitude of emotions all at once. She barely had time to brace herself before she was being pulled into a tight hug and feeling hot tears hit her bare shoulder. “That was the first time I’ve seen him smile since the day before we gave him over to Luke.”  Rey took Leia’s blessing for what it was and finally let herself cry.

An hour later and Rey was all but crawling back to her quarters with how slow she was walking, dress draped over her arm, box in her hand, exhausted once more by the emotional afternoon. She and Leia had cried for a time then had another cup of tea while Leia told stories of Ben’s childhood. It was nice, but now she just wanted her bed. Gently kicking her door open, she took one step inside and froze. Rose was staring down at Rey’s desk, a look of intense confusion on her face and the holonet up on Rey’s workpad.

“Rose? What is it?” Rey asked, quickly setting her items down on the bed and facing her friend.

“Rey… what is this? Why are you researching the dark side?” Rey gulped and attempted to respond without stuttering so it wouldn’t look like she was lying. “Well, there are two sides of the Force which to me, means two sides of the story. If you only research one side, you’re not getting the full story and that’s where ignorance comes into play. I know I’m the “last Jedi, glowing beacon of the Resistance”, Rey lowered her voice to sound like Poe for that last sentence, then she scoffed. “At least that’s what everyone thinks, but to be perfectly honest I’m no Jedi. I’m just a Force user.”

The confusion on Rose’s face eased like she suddenly understood. “Oh, I see! You’re trying to get into Kylo Ren’s head. See how he thinks, so you can defeat him, right? Good plan!”

Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes and laugh; ignorance indeed. “Something like that” she said, forcing a smile while turning around to grab her dress and hang it up.

“Stars, that’s gorgeous! Where’d you get it?!” Rose asked, awe evident in her voice. Rey didn’t need to turn around to see what Rose was referring to.

Rey ran her hand lovingly down the silky fabric and smiled. “Leia gave it to me as a gift along with some matching jewelry. It needs to be tailored a little, but she said it was an easy fix. We’re going to get it done soon.”

“That’s so cool! Where are you going to be wearing it to?” Rose asked excitedly.

That made Rey pause. She didn’t ask where Leia got the dress, why she had or, or even where she was going to be wearing such an extravagant outfit to. “Uh...well…I’m not sure. I never got to ask, I was just put into it and told to keep it. I didn’t ask questions.”

Rose giggled at that, “I don’t blame you. If a princess gave me a pretty dress like that, I wouldn’t question it either.”

Rey smiled and sighed, more than ready to go back to bed. She removed the jacket and handed it back to Rose. “Well now that you’re up I have two things to tell you. One, you were right about Poe and Connix. Two, Finn thought you were mad at him because you didn’t answer your door when he went to check on you before lunch. You may want to go see him for dinner.”

Rose gasped in delight, “Oh my gosh! Okay! Um...thank you for letting me know and letting me crash here today and I have to go get changed before I go see Finn! Thank you, Rey!” Rose said in one breath before dashing out the door.

Rey shook her head and laughed after her, locking the door and falling backwards onto her bed. She was asleep moments later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ran away with me I'm so sorry. Btw, I don't have a Beta reader if that wasn't obvious.


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